Hands
by DKG
Summary: COMPLETE Buffy'n'Tara pairing. What if Buffy had had more support from one of the Scoobies after her resurrection in S6? What differences would it have made? NEW: Chapters 17, 18 & 19
1. Blood

HANDS

DISCLAIMER: Not mine

SETTINGS: Rewrite of Season Six.  Begins during Afterlife, after Buffy's gone to bed, but before the psycho vision that Willow and Tara get of Buffy.

PAIRING: Buffy/Tara

NOTE: This idea would just not leave me alone at all.  I dunno why not, but…eh.  I've been wanting to do this pairing for ages, but I could never think of when to set it.  This is what I came up with.  Oh, and the whole Nerd Trio thing is not an issue this season.  They were tremendously lame, and I can't be bothered writing them in.

ONWARDS:

CHAPTER ONE: BLOOD

She couldn't sleep.  Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was the blackness that had encapsulated her within her own coffin.  She threw the covers off her body, not liking the heaviness off the sheets or the duvet.  She sat up slowly and looked around the darkened room that hadn't changed in the five months that she'd been…dead.

Her eyes scrunched up slightly and she felt a sense of panic begin to come over her.  She struggled for breath and fought to get to her feet, swinging her legs over the bed and staggering over to the window.  She fumbled with the lock catch, her fingers not quite working properly. She accidentally brushed her knuckles against the woodwork on the window and bit back a yelp as she realised that her hands were still bleeding and broken.

She managed to unlock the window and quickly opened it, drawing huge gulps of fresh air into her lungs.  Tears stung at her eyes, which had yet to properly fix themselves.  Everything still seemed to have a fuzzy edge to it, a blurriness that didn't quite fit.  Everything was slowly coming back to her, smell, sound, sight, feel, taste.  And all of it felt so much harsher than she remembered.  It felt so much more painful and real.

She rested her elbows on the windowsill, leaning her upper body out of the window as she sat at the window seat.  She remembered a time long ago when she'd sat in the exact same position with Angel on the outside, leaning in so that Buffy wouldn't be in trouble for leaving her room.

She tried to calm her breathing, forcing herself to remember the mediation techniques that Giles had taught her so long ago.

Giles.  It was strange.  As much as she didn't care about anything at the moment, except for the depression and fear and anger that was rising inside of her, she missed the gentle British man more than anything.  

Several minutes later, Buffy pulled her head back in and closed the window.  She sat back down on her bed, trying to work out exactly what had happened to her.  Everything was still a little surreal for her.  She couldn't even try to comprehend what had happened.  All she knew was that she was back and she didn't particularly like it.

She took another deep breath, but knew automatically that it was a mistake.

The air didn't feel so fresh as it had when she'd had the window open.  It smelt stale, it smelt fake, and she could feel the walls beginning to close in on her.  

Without even thinking, she ripped her door open and dashed downstairs, and outside, through the kitchen door.  The cooling night air hit her entire body, comforting her.  If she was feeling a breeze, she couldn't be in her coffin.  And if she wasn't in her coffin, then she wasn't really dead.  And if she wasn't really dead, then she didn't have to worry about digging her way through six feet of dirt and roots and grass to be able to breath.

She flopped ungracefully onto the porch, drawing her knees up to her chest as she gulped in more fresh air.  When her breathing had finally calmed itself down again, she rested her forehead on her knees, her arms around her bare legs as the boxer shorts she wore only went to mid thigh.  She shivered slightly, but did nothing about going back inside.  She couldn't bear to go back in just yet.

She moved her arms slightly, holding up her damaged hands in front of her face, the pale moonlight illuminating the red stains that marred her pale flesh.  The tan that she had worked so hard for over the years was completely gone, and she knew from Dawn's earlier bathing ritual that she desperately needed to colour her hair again.

She sighed quietly and with a shaking hand, touched one finger to the opposite hand, feeling a stab of pain shoot through her arm.  She winced slightly and pulled her other hand away.  She wondered if her knuckles would scar over, or if her Slayer healing would completely get rid of the marks that reminded her that she had pulled herself out of her own coffin.

She swallowed hard and looked up at the stars, trying to pretend that this night had never happened.  That she was still up in heaven, her mother's arms around her, while she knew that the people she loved were relatively safe.  

-----

Been wanting to write something on Buffy's first night back in Sunnydale for a while now…hope you enjoy…more to come soon!

DKG.


	2. Space

CHAPTER TWO: SPACE

Tara couldn't sleep.  She didn't know how Willow had been able to drift off so easily, but she figured that it could have been due to the incredibly powerful spell that had ripped through Willow's body earlier.  She still couldn't believe that her lover hadn't told her about every single facet of the spell that they had used to raise Buffy.

Buffy…she couldn't help but wonder how the blonde Slayer was doing.  She knew without a doubt that she wasn't going to get any sleep tonight unless she knew for a fact that Buffy was alright.

Gently, so as not to disturb Willow, Tara pulled away from the redheaded witch and slid into a dressing gown and slippers.  She padded quietly out of the room and down the hall, easing Buffy's door open.  Her eyes narrowed as she saw the empty bed, and she couldn't help but wonder if the entire night had been a dream.

She closed the door and moved down the corridor, quickly checking on Dawn.  Tara couldn't help but smile as she saw the teenager curled up on her bed, clutching at Mr Gordo.  Tara hadn't understood why Dawn had been so adamant about sleeping with a stuffed pig after Buffy had died, but Dawn had shared the story of Buffy's prized possession, and Tara knew that Dawn kept the old item to feel closer to her sister.

Tara noticed that for the first time in five months, Dawn had fallen asleep with a smile on her face.  The blonde hared Wiccan couldn't help but wish that everyone had the same view of Buffy's return.  There was something off about the Slayer and Tara didn't know what it was.  She intended to find out though.

She closed Dawn's door and continued down the corridor and down the stairs.  Tara felt a soft breeze hit her, and she noticed that the back door that led into the kitchen was open.  She silently moved through the kitchen and looked out into the darkness.

A small lump was seated on the stairs, huddled into a small ball.  Tara felt her heart lurch as she took in the honey blonde hair that fell across shoulders that were barely covered by a tank top.  Tara backtracked to the front door and grabbed Willow's coat that hung by the door.  She moved silently to the backdoor and stood beside Buffy.

The Slayer didn't move.  She didn't even flinch at the presence of the intruder.  Tara moved down a step and bent to cover Buffy's shoulders with the coat.

Buffy turned her head, her eyes so filled with pain that Tara had to force herself not to gasp in shock.  She swallowed her nervousness and took a seat beside the Slayer.

For endless moments, neither of them said anything.  Tara understood that sometimes it was best for people to be given time and space before they spoke of anything.  What Tara couldn't help but notice was the way Buffy's hands shook, whether from the cold night air, or from the wounds that Tara had noticed earlier that evening.

The gentle Wiccan flinched at the thought of having to dig your way out of a coffin.  She couldn't bear the thought of it, and knowing that the woman next to her had had to do so only three hours earlier was making Tara want to retch.

Tara let her mind wander, her attention drifting up to the stars.  She was startled slightly by Buffy sliding down one step so that Tara was the step above her.  Tara was about to slide down to join her, but was stopped when Buffy laid her head in Tara's lap, her eyes open but unfocussed.

Tara was too stunned to say anything to get Buffy to move.  And she knew that if she said anything to discourage Buffy's actions, she could well destroy an already fragile person.  With shaking hands, she gently began stroking Buffy's hair, trying to comfort the girl in any way she could.

She didn't understand why Buffy was seeking comfort with her.  It was strange.  The one and only time that Buffy and Tara had ever had any physical contact beyond touching hands was when Tara had been attacked by Glory.  Buffy had hugged her in the hospital, but Tara hadn't been in control to be able to hug her back.  Even when Buffy's mother had died and Tara knew what the Slayer was going through, Tara had held back.

In all truth, Buffy scared Tara a little bit.  She had been taught to fear power by both of her parents, though with different methods.  Her mother had taught her respect for something greater than herself.  Her father had just taught her to fear that people with power over her could and would hurt her.  

Over the few months that Tara had come to know a little bit about the Slayer, she began to realise that Buffy wasn't _just_ the Slayer.  She was a young woman with feelings and emotions, but she just wasn't able to express them as well as other people.  In Buffy's line of work, emotions and attachments were things that your enemies exploited to the best of their ability.  As someone who had been taken because of her friendship with the Slayer, Tara knew all too well that Buffy had reason enough to not be too overt with her emotional attachments.

Tara swallowed quietly, the sound of it almost booming in the quiet night.  She lent forward to whisper quietly in Buffy's ear.

"Do you want to go back inside?" 

Buffy sighed and shook her head.  "Can we stay?" she murmured.

Tara didn't answer.  Instead, she just continued to run her hands through Buffy's hair, offering her what little comfort she could.  Buffy sighed softly and allowed herself to calm down completely.

She closed her eyes, and for the first time she didn't feel the panic of thinking she was trapped in her coffin overwhelming her.  With Tara's soothing motions, she felt calm, relaxed, content.  It was almost like being in heaven.

----

Many thanks for your encouraging feedback!  Lad you're liking this thing!

DKG.


	3. Breakfast

CHAPTER THREE: BREAKFAST

The Scoobies, minus Dawn, Tara and Buffy sat outside on the lawn chairs of the Summers' backyard.  Dawn had managed to get off to school after a long argument about wanting to stay with Buffy for the day.  Tara had gently told her that Buffy needed time to get back into the swing of things before she was bombarded by too many things at once.

Now, Tara was making cups of coffee for the Scoobies as Willow, Xander and Anya sat outside discussing the demon that had attacked them all the evening before.  Tara could feel within herself that something was going to make them pay for bringing Buffy back.  She just didn't know what the price of it was going to be.

She sighed and reached for the coffee that had finished brewing.  She grabbed four mugs and set them on the counter before remembering that they now needed five mugs, not four.  

A soft coughing startled her slightly and she barely stopped herself from dropping the fifth mug.

She turned to see Buffy standing in the doorway, looking more unsure of herself than Tara had ever seen her.

"Buffy," Tara said softly, a smile lifting the corners of her mouth.  "I thought you were sleeping."

Buffy shrugged and made her way to the island counter, hoisting herself onto one of the stools, watching as Tara made coffee.

"Couldn't sleep," Buffy replied somewhat flippantly.  

Tara poured the coffee into all five cups and expertly made the different combinations for each of the Scoobies.  When she came to the fifth mug she stopped, and looked up at the Slayer.

"Uh.Buffy.I've f-forgotten how you take your c-coffee," Tara said.

Buffy snapped out of her semi-trance and looked up at the witch, surprised to see only gentle concern, rather than the pointed stares that the other Scoobies had given her the previous night.

"Oh uh.milk and three sugars," Buffy replied.

"Three?" Tara asked incredulously.  "That can't be good for you."

For a moment it was almost as though the five months hadn't happened.  Buffy's lips quirked up into a half-smile and the spark in her eyes was back.

"Too much sugar is never a bad thing," Buffy replied.

Tara laughed a little and complied to Buffy's request.  When she handed the Slayer her coffee, she noticed that the spark that had momentarily been there had once again died down.  She felt a pang in her heart and wondered what she could do to get that spark back into Buffy's eyes.  She wanted to see the Slayer laugh and smile again.  

"So that's how you made it through those late night Slaying trips," Tara commented.  "Caffeine and s-sugar highs.  Tsk.shame on you."

Tara's smile was gentle and teasing, and Buffy couldn't help but grin at it.  It wasn't that Tara was ignoring the fact that Buffy had been dead and gone, it was that Tara was making a genuine effort to get Buffy to feel comfortable in her own skin again.  

"Something like that," Buffy replied.

She took a sip of the hot drink and closed her eyes as it travelled down her throat, heating her up from the inside.  She moaned softly in pleasure and opened her eyes to see Tara looking at her with a slight smile on her face.

"S'good," Buffy said, lifting the cup to indicate that she was talking about the coffee.  "I think I may have missed caffeine more than anything."

"More t-than chocolate?" Tara asked, a teasing grin on her face.

Buffy paused for a moment.  "I stand corrected."

----

Glad you're liking this thing!  Feedback is always greatly appreciated, so many thanks!

DKG.


	4. Soliloquy

CHAPTER FOUR: SOLILOQUY  
  
"You guys gave me the world. I can't tell you what it means."  
  
Tara watched Willow and Xander envelope Buffy in a hug. Tara knew, just from watching Buffy's body language that there was something incredibly wrong. Tara hadn't read Buffy's aura since the first time she'd met the girl over a year and a half ago, but reading her aura now, Tara knew that Buffy was practically screaming with desolation.  
  
And for someone who'd just confessed to being in a hell dimension, whilst it did make sense, Tara couldn't read relief or gratitude, or even the slightest bit of happiness. All Tara was getting was a bone deep despair and a weariness that shouldn't have happened to anyone that was only twenty years old.  
  
Buffy excused herself, saying that she needed air. Willow and Xander exchanged happy grins, thankful that Buffy seemed to be bouncing back from what had happened. But Tara knew better. She gave Buffy a full minute to herself before standing and quietly following her outside.  
  
What Tara found though made her knees weak and her heart contract. It left her breathless and in the midst of a panic attack.  
  
"I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time...didn't mean anything...nothing had form...but I was still me, you know?"  
  
Tara felt tears welling in her eyes. She didn't have the strength to even try to stop them, and they rolled slowly down her cheeks.  
  
"And I was warm...and I was loved...and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or...any of it, really...but I think I was in heaven."  
  
Tara had been expecting it, but just hearing it aloud completely shattered her. She felt as though she couldn't breath. Her mind was unable to process even the simple thought to flee as fast as she could. But her body wouldn't co-operate. Instead, she collapsed onto a crate, just out of sight of the Slayer and the bleach-blonde vampire that Buffy was confiding in.  
  
"And now I'm not. I was torn out of there. Pulled out...by my friends. Everything here is...hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch...this is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that...knowing what I've lost..."  
  
Tara swallowed hard, and she knew that Buffy's vampiric confidante was having as much trouble processing the information as Tara was having. She couldn't imagine anything that either of them could possibly say to Buffy to try and make things right.  
  
Buffy stood and walked into a patch of sunlight, knowing that Spike couldn't follow her. Tara's body finally began responding to her thoughts and she stood.  
  
"They can never know," Buffy aid softly. "Never."  
  
Spike's attention was drawn to a figure in the shadows. His eyes locked with Tara's tear-filled ones, and he looked back at Buffy who hadn't noticed their guest.  
  
"S'a bit late for that luv," Spike said softly.  
  
Buffy turned back to look at him, wondering what the vampire was talking about. She followed his gaze and saw Tara looking at her in shock and sympathy. Surprisingly there was no pity in Tara's eyes. She hated having people pity her, and to see no pity was a comfort. It was one of the many reasons she hadn't told the group about where she'd really been.  
  
"Tara," Buffy whispered.  
  
Their gazes held for a long moment, and before Tara could even force herself to take another step towards the Slayer, Buffy turned and took off at a speed that Tara would never be able to follow at. The Wiccan sniffled and wiped her eyes. She looked to Spike who was having troubles containing his own tears.  
  
"How much did you hear?" Spike asked.  
  
"Enough," Tara replied.  
  
Spike nodded and stood up, careful to stay away from the direct sunlight. He walked towards Tara and gave her a small half-smile.  
  
"I'm glad it was you," he confided.  
  
"W-what?"  
  
"I'm glad it was you," he repeated. "That came out here. That it was you who heard her say all that. Means that she's got someone who knows...someone who can actually help her."  
  
"You don't think you could h-help her?" Tara asked curiously.  
  
Spike shrugged and dug his hands into his pockets. "Probably end up making things worse," he replied. "She doesn't need darkness in her life. S'why Peaches bloody left her. I can't give her sunlight and picnics and all that rot. And, s'much as I hate to admit it, she needs that stuff right now."  
  
Tara nodded her agreement. She didn't know all that much about Peaches...uh...Angel, rather, and she was somewhat surprised by Spike's statement. She'd have thought that Spike would have wanted the chance to be the Slayer's confidante in the midst of her agony. It was in that moment that Tara realised how deeply Spike cared for Buffy. He was willing to give her a chance at being in the light rather than pulling her into the darkness that probably would be beckoning to Buffy after being torn from Heaven. The darkness was simple and seductive, and tremendously hard to pull oneself out of. Tara smiled softly at Spike and gently touched his hand in thanks.  
  
"You're a good friend," she whispered.  
  
If vampires could blush, Spike would have been bright red. He coughed uncomfortably and began walking down into the alley, away from the sunlight.  
  
"Hey, Blondie," he called to Tara.  
  
The Wiccan turned to look at him.  
  
"She's probably gone to visit her mum," he said.  
  
Tara was confused for a moment before realising what Spike was talking about. She flashed him a smile and began jogging towards Restfield cemetery.  
  
----  
  
Loving the feedback, thank you people! Glad you're liking this fic'o'mine. DKG. 


	5. Breaking

CHAPTER FIVE: BREAKING

Tara scowled slightly.  Spike had been wrong.  Buffy hadn't been at Joyce's gravestone, and Tara couldn't help but wonder where else the Slayer would have gone.  She looked around the cemetery, and then the painful realisation occurred to her.  She broke into a run, unsure of what to expect when she arrived at her destination.

She slowed to a stop only a few feet away from the headstone that she had visited so many times over the last five months.

BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS

1981 – 2001

BELOVED SISTER

DEVOTED FRIEND

SHE SAVED THE WORLD

A LOT

Standing in front of the stone, looking down at it was the person that the stone had been made for in the first place.  Tara couldn't even imagine how strange it must have been to be standing at your own grave, staring at the headstone.

Tara hung back, not entirely certain what she was waiting for, but somehow instinctively knowing that something was going to happen.  

She watched as Buffy took a few steps back and found a large stone.  The Slayer bent to pick it up, hefting it in her hand to test the weight.  She took another step back before hurling it viciously at the headstone.

The throw was hard enough to completely crack the headstone.  It smashed through Buffy's name, obscuring it enough so that only half of Summers was still visible.  Buffy picked up another stone and threw it at the exact same spot, splintering the tombstone completely.  She picked up another rock and threw it at the base, the final blow being enough to destroy the beautiful headstone that was no longer needed.

Tara felt tears well once more, and she found herself moving towards the Slayer, just in time to catch Buffy as she fell to her knees.  The two girls crumpled to the floor, Tara holding the smaller woman, rocking her back and forth as Buffy began to sob violently.

Tara could only gently rub Buffy's back, whispering soothing words into Buffy's ear.  She spoke of love and devotion and friendship and the support that could be found within the Scoobies.  She spoke of Giles' arrival, which would be 'any day now' and spoke of the people who loved her.

And through it all, Buffy cried for the warmth that she'd lost and the peace that had been stolen from her.  And as the minutes passed by and her sobs slowly softened, she could feel warmth in Tara's arms.  She could feel the love and comfort that was being offered to her for no other reason other than Tara wishing to give it to her.

She clung tightly to Tara's waist, burying her face in the other girl's shirt.  When Buffy's grip became a little too painful for Tara to bear, she gently grabbed hold of Buffy's wrists and pulled Buffy's hands into her own.

Tara closed her eyes, not wanting to see the scars that still marked Buffy's hands.  Scars that Buffy had earned because of her friends' thoughtlessness.  Scars that were taking far too long to heal.  

The Wiccan didn't know what possessed her towards her next action, but something inside of her was pushing her to do strange things.

She lifted Buffy's right hand, and brought the scarred knuckles up to her lips, gently kissing them.  The shock of the action made Buffy tilt her head towards Tara, but the blonde Wiccan kept her lips in place.  

After a few moments, she lowered Buffy's right hand and brought up the left one to repeat the action, all the while keeping her eyes locked firmly on Buffy's.  Tara lowered Buffy's hand and began stroking the marred flesh and Buffy once again buried her head in Tara's lap.  The tears had stopped, and once again, Buffy closed her eyes and felt only comfort.

----

Loving the feedback!  Thanks heaps, you guys rock!

DKG.


	6. Strong

CHAPTER SIX: STRONG

(Post 'Flooded')

Tara looked across worriedly at Buffy.  She hadn't said a word since asking Tara to drive her to a roadhouse diner in between Sunnydale and Los Angeles.  The place that Buffy was to meet up with Angel.  Tara couldn't help but be worried about Buffy.  

Whenever Tara asked Buffy if she wanted to talk about anything, the Slayer would immediately stiffen and shake her head.  It was getting frustrating, and Tara had no one to turn to for advice.  Even though Giles was back and Tara had been certain that the Watcher would figure out that his Slayer hadn't been in a hell dimension, Giles had yet to put all the pieces together. 

"Are you sure you're alright?" Tara asked.

Buffy sighed and nodded.  She was sitting in the passenger side seat, her knees scrunched up to her chest.  It seemed to be Buffy's position of choice lately, one that showed the vulnerable side of Buffy that no one really ever got to see except for the Scoobies.  Except that the rest of the Scoobies seemed to be completely ignoring the fact that Buffy wasn't coping as well as she tried to appear to be doing.

"I'm fine," Buffy replied.

Tara couldn't take it anymore.  She knew enough about the Slayer to realise that if she didn't want to talk about something she wouldn't _ever_ talk about it at all.  And that was the worst thing that could possibly happen.  Tara knew enough about keeping things bottled up inside, and she knew that it didn't help.

Without giving it too much thought, Tara indicated to the right and pulled the car off the road, stopping.  Buffy sat up and looked at the blonde Wiccan worriedly.

"Tara-"

"Buffy, you need to talk about this," Tara stated.  Her voice was oddly authoritative, something that very rarely happened, especially when it was Buffy that she was addressing.

"No, what I need is for you to keep driving so I can meet up with Angel," Buffy replied.

Tara shook her head.  "Are you planning on telling him where you were?" she asked.

Buffy paused.  She hadn't been planning on telling him anything.  She hadn't thought of anything beyond wanting to see him. Wanting to know if the spark between them still stood.  She knew that their love had survived Angel being in a hell dimension for however many years he'd been trapped down there.  What she didn't know was whether or not it had stood up to being put through heaven.  She didn't know if she still loved him or not, and she figured that the only way to find out was to see him in person.  

The truth of the matter was that she hadn't been planning on telling him anything about where she'd been.  She was hoping that he would have drawn his own conclusions about the truth of her whereabouts.

"No," she finally whispered.

Tara sighed and reached over to take Buffy's hand.  Buffy stared at it dumbly for a moment.

It was strange, the first few days of her return, everyone had been clambering to touch her as constantly as possible.  Now though, it rarely happened, almost as though they were afraid that Buffy would lash out at them.  Tara and Dawn, and now Giles seemed to be the only ones who would reach towards her.  

Strangely enough, Buffy had been pulling away from Giles and Dawn.  But whenever it was Tara who reached towards her, she would let it happen, and usually would lean into the comforting hand.  She let Tara's warmth seep into her own hands which were slightly cold.  

"Buffy, you'll never heal unless you start being honest about this," Tara said.

Buffy chuckled slightly and the sound of it sent shivers up Tara's spine.  It was the kind of hysterical laughter that usually symbolised something bad.  

"Heal?" Buffy repeated.  "How the hell can I heal?"

Despite Buffy's angry tone, her grip on Tara's hand was still gentle, and that gave the blonde Wiccan a semblance of hope.

"You're strong Buffy," Tara said.

"But I'm not!" Buffy replied, turning to face the other girl.  "You all think I'm so strong cos I'm the Slayer, but…I'm not strong at all.  I never have been."

"Yes you have," Tara said confidently.  "Buffy, it's not a weakness to be afraid. It's not a weakness to be hurt.  It's definitely not a weakness to be angry or upset with m-me and the Scoobies for what we d-did to you."

Tara's stutter was back, and she hated that it had begun showing up every now and then.  It was strange because the only time she ever stuttered lately was around Buffy.  Almost like when she'd first met Willow…Tara didn't want to think too deeply about that.

"I'm not mad," Buffy said flatly.

"You resent us though," Tara said quietly.

Buffy paused and finally sighed, lifting her eyes to meet Tara's.

"It hurts," she admitted.  "Every day it hurts a little more and a little less.  Some days I just want to stay in bed and sleep forever, but…other days are okay.  Some moments are better than others."

"What about seeing Giles?" Tara asked softly.

A genuine smile broke out on Buffy's face, the first that Tara had seen in a while.  The spark flickered in Buffy's eyes, but died out just as quickly.

"I missed him," Buffy explained.  "He's…he's…well…my dad was kinda MIA for a few years, and…well, let's just say I didn't mind so much cos Giles was there."

"He is pretty special," Tara agreed.

Buffy nodded her agreement.  They sat in silence for a moment before Buffy finally spoke again.

"I hate that Giles and Willow were arguing about me…about what she did," Buffy said.  "I hate that we're nearly broke, and that if I don't get a job, I'm probably gonna lose mom's house.  I hate that sometimes when I wake up at night, I can barely breathe.  I hate that I still have scars on my hands even though I've been back for over a week.  I hate that I have nightmares about being ripped from…from…"

"Heaven," Tara supplied.

Buffy nodded.  

"I hate that I'm not still there," Buffy whispered.  

Tara's heart broke completely for the Slayer and she pulled her into an awkward hug, stroking Buffy's hair.  She pressed a kiss to Buffy's forehead, and leant closer to Buffy's ear to whisper to her.

"You'll go back there one day, you know," Tara whispered softly, intimately.  "You'll go back one day when you're done.  And you'll meet up with your mom and you'll be able to rest.  But for now, you've still got people here who love you.  You've still got the smaller pleasures of life to enjoy.  Caffeine and chocolate and ice cream.  You've still got a sister who loves you and friends who'd do anything for you.  You've got all of eternity to be in heaven, but not so much time back here."

Buffy let the words wash over her, the soft voice and the loving tone soothing her aching soul.  She closed her eyes and listened carefully to what Tara was saying, and knew with perfect clarity that what Tara was saying was making sense.

"It's still going to hurt," Tara continued.  "It'll hurt for a while, but you need to see the silver lining."

Buffy chuckled a little, remembering a conversation from long ago that had made her reconsider things.

"When life hands you lemons," Buffy whispered softly.

Tara smiled and hugged Buffy tighter, knowing that she'd somehow reached the Slayer.  "Make lemonade," Tara finished for her. 

Buffy pulled back, tears running freely down her face.  She leant forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Tara's cheek.

"You're a very wise woman you know that?" she said, a genuine smile on her face.

Tara grinned and squeezed Buffy's hand before letting go and putting her hands back on the steering wheel.

"Of course I am," Tara replied.  "I'm a Scooby."

----

Many thanks for all the feedback!  Glad you guys are liking this thing!!  

DKG.


	7. Betrayal

CHAPTER SEVEN: BETRAYAL

(Ahhh, can't you just imagine the bliss of a season six without a whiny Buffy.  It's hard to do, but oh so much nicer.  We're skipping a few eps and going straight to 'Once More With Feeling'.)

"_I'm under your spell_

_God how can this be?_

_Playing with my memory._

_You know I've been through hell._

_Willow don't you see,_

_There'll be nothing left of me_

_You made me believe."_

Tara could feel the tightness in her chest.  She looked down from the loft of the Magic Box as she took in the sight of her lover speaking with the girl who had rapidly become her best friend.  Ever since Buffy had opened up to her in the car on the way to Los Angeles, there had been a marked improvement in Buffy's complete attitude.  She'd turned her life around completely.  The spark was back in her eyes, even though every so often it would disappear.  

Buffy had found a reasonably well paying job as a bouncer at the Bronze after there had been an attack and the previous bouncer had been killed.  The Manager of the Bronze had seen Buffy handling herself in a tight situation and had offered her a job.  Buffy had taken it and had been immensely grateful that even though the Manager hadn't used the word 'vampire' he seemed to know and understand that something was not right in the town of Sunnydale.

Tara was heartened by the improvement and things were going extremely well for the gang.  Of course, that had changed when Dawn had run off with a vampire named Justin on Halloween night.  Tara had fought with Willow about Willow's use of magic when Willow had been about to send the occupants of the Bronze to an alternate dimension for a matter of moments.  She was abusing magic, and now she was abusing Tara's trust.

She'd taken part of Tara's memory, and that was not something that Tara would turn a blind eye to.  She couldn't stay with Willow if she was going to abuse the trust that Tara had freely given her.  She'd promised herself when she'd left her father's house that she would never live in fear.  And if she couldn't trust Willow, then that was what she was doing.

"_Believe me I don't want to go._

_And it'll grieve me cos I love you so_

_But we both know…_

_Wish I could trust that it was just this once_

_But I must do what I must_

_I can't adjust to this disgust_

_We're done and I just wish I could stay._

_Wish I could stay._

_Wish I could…stay._"

Tara didn't understand the whole 'bursting into song' thing that was happening in Sunnydale, and whilst it was incredibly strange, she also knew that when the songs came forth from within, it was the truth of her heart that was being sung about.  It was what she didn't want to admit to either herself or anyone else.  And this time, the truth of it was that she and Willow could no longer be together.  And it hurt terribly.

The song cut off and Spike chose that moment to burst through the door, a demon in his clutches.  Willow noticed Tara for the first time, but Tara completely ignored her, not wanting to say anything that she would later regret.  Dawn had been kidnapped, and the group was quick to mount up with weapons and make their way to the Bronze, which had been closed due to the strange phenomenon of the random songs.  It would have been hard to have a club open with so many people singing so many different songs.  Buffy hadn't minded having the night off, so wasn't exactly complaining about it.

Tara walked beside Buffy, Willow hanging back.  Tara could feel her lovers eyes boring into the back of her head, and Tara could literally hear Willow's internal dialogue of questions of what she'd done wrong.

They reached the Bronze without incident, although they had passed several fire trucks on the way there which was slightly worrying.  They'd burst into song once more, but no one had been terribly worried about it.  When they'd reached the Bronze, Buffy had kicked in the door, making a grand entrance, only to find Dawn and a red-skinned demon with what looked like a melted chin seated on couches up on the stage.

Buffy faced off against the demon, quipping and joking away.  And then the song had begun.  Tara and Anya went to back her up, and the Scoobies listened with rapt attention as the truth about Buffy finally came out.  Tara could only watch with sadness as Buffy sang out the horrible truth of where she'd been.

"_It's not quite hell_

_But I've been expelled_

_From heaven._

_I think I was in heaven._"

Tara saw the devastated look on Willow's face and couldn't help but feel some of her anger at Willow's betrayal melt away.  She could see that her lover still had some innocence left inside of her.  

Tara's attention went back to Buffy, thankful that the Slayer had found her reason for living, otherwise she knew without a doubt that Buffy would have had problems ceasing her dance.  She'd stopped herself in time and stared up at the musical demon.

"You're not taking my sister."

The demon was (sort of) defeated when it was revealed that Xander was truly the one behind the summoning.  And Tara sucked up her pain and her fears and allowed Willow to sleep within the comfort of her arms, tears streaming down the redhead's face at the truth of Buffy's whereabouts.

Buffy herself went home feeling surprisingly cleansed.  She hadn't realised what a heavy burden it had been carrying the weight of the truth on her shoulders.  Having it out there was comforting, and even though she knew that the truth had greatly shocked the Scoobies (minus Tara and Spike), it felt good to finally have it out there.  

She sat on the front porch with Giles seated beside her, the two of them seated in the swinging chair that Buffy and her mom used to sit in all the time.  Buffy was leaning her head on Giles' shoulder, and Giles was trying to understand what had happened earlier.

"Why did you never tell me?" he asked gently.

Buffy sighed.  She'd been waiting for this question.

"Because I heard you that night you first got here.  When you yelled at Will," Buffy replied.  "I didn't want you being any angrier at her than you already were."

Giles sighed and shook his head.  No matter what had happened, Buffy was still very much his Slayer.  The girl who didn't want people to hurt, and so would conceal the truth to protect them, no matter how much more painful it would be to find out later rather than sooner.

"Did anyone know?" he asked.

"Tara did," Buffy admitted.  "And Spike."

Giles hesitated a moment.  He had noticed the growing friendship between Buffy and Tara, and also a friendship between Buffy and Spike.  It was the latter one that worried him.

"About Spike…you aren't…you don't…"

"Have feelings for him?" Buffy guessed.  "No.  I mean, yeah we're friends and all that, but…well, Angel left me so I could have sunlight and picnics and…and Spike can't give me that.  And mom wanted me to have a normal life, and…if I'm dating a vampire, a soulless one at that, it could never happen.  We're friends, and…he understands that."

"Does he?"

"Yeah.  We've actually spoken about it," Buffy admitted.  "And yeah, while he wants to be with me, he said that he knew it could never happen.  I'm a Warrior of Light, not a creature of the darkness."

Giles sighed with relief.  He had worried that Spike would use Buffy's vulnerability against her, but it seemed as though Spike genuinely had what was best for Buffy in mind.  

"Tara's been helping too," Buffy continued.  "She's been…incredible really.  She got me to stop looking for faults in everything.  Told me that I had to look on the bright side of life."

Giles smiled a little at the phrase.  

"She's a smart woman, our Tara," he commented.

Buffy smiled and closed her eyes as she leant against Giles' shoulder.  "That's what I said."

----

Glad your liking this thing as well as the pairing.  Many thanks for all your feedback, you guys rock!

DKG.

PS, in case any of you are wondering DKG is the alter-ego to DragonKatGal.  Kinda obvious, but…eh.  Any girl/girl pairings I write will be posted under this name.  (I'm bored, kay?  Wanted another account.)

DKG.


	8. Simple

CHAPTER EIGHT: SIMPLE

(Tabula Rasa with a B/T twist…)

"One week without magic."

"Fine.  That's easy!"

"Go a week and then we'll see."

-----

"_For Buffy and Tara, this I char,_

_Let Leathe's Bramble do it's chore._

_Purge their minds of memories grim,_

_Of pains from recent slights and sins._

_When the fire goes out,_

_And the crystal turns black,_

_The spell will be cast._

_Tabula rasa, tabula rasa, tabula rasa._"

-----

The Scoobies convened as they did every afternoon at the Magic Box.  Spike ran in wearing a brown tweed suit and a chequered hat with ear muffs, causing the Scoobies to wonder about Spike's mental health.  Willow and Xander arrived together, Willow in Xander's jacket, proving that chivalry wasn't dead after all.

Buffy and Tara stood near the counter, Buffy squeezing Tara's hand comfortingly as she saw the looks passed between Willow and Tara.  The blonde Wiccan had told the Slayer about the fight that had happened and the cause of it, and Buffy had reaffirmed Tara's belief that she'd done the right thing. 

"And no matter what happens between you and Will…it doesn't change that you're part of our family," Buffy had assured her.  "And you will always be welcome in our house."

Tara had smiled and the two girls had hugged, until both of them had been a little teary.  They'd then made their way to the Magic Box for the regular meeting.

"So, what's the what?" Dawn asked curiously.  "Any new monsters or what not."

Giles removed his glasses and shook his head.  "It's surprisingly quiet actually," he replied.  "The vampires and demons seem to have quietened down now that Buffy's back on full patrol."

"And the Bronze has never been safer," Buffy said proudly.

Giles smiled at his Slayer, thankful that she'd managed to pull herself together.  The steady job at the Bronze was providing her with enough money to pay the bills at home as well as some of the leftover medical expenses that had piled up from Joyce's surgery.  He'd been worried that she wouldn't be able to cope with it all, but she had done amazingly well for herself.

"Willy's seems to have lost a lot of its clients as well," Spike offered.  "And anyone who does go there nowadays seems to be more interested in kitten poker than killing humans."

Buffy and Tara's noses wrinkled in distaste at the thought of kitten poker.  Tara still missed Miss Kitty Fantastico who had died in a horrendous accident involving Dawn and a stray crossbow that had been loaded.  Neither Willow nor Dawn had wanted a replacement kitten, something that Tara sorely missed.  She wondered if Buffy would mind having one in the house.

Tara turned to look at Buffy.  "What do you think is causing it?"

Buffy shrugged.  She went to elaborate, but felt her knees buckle.  Tara steadied her, but felt her own legs sway, and she and Buffy fell to the floor in a tumble of limbs.

"Buffy!" "Tara!"

Before anyone could move to help them, each and every member of the Scooby Gang dropped to the floor unconscious.

-----

Buffy stirred, surprised by the weight of someone's limp arm resting across her stomach.  She stilled and looked at the cascading blonde hair that covered the sleeping person's face.  She wracked her brain trying to remember where she was and who she was with.  And now that she thought about it, who she herself actually was.  She sat up, dislodging Tara's arm and disturbing the girl from slumber.  Tara sat up and looked at the blonde with wide eyes.

"Uh…hi," she said quietly.

"Hey," Buffy replied, equally unsure of herself. 

"I uh…don't s-suppose you know where we are…or w-who we are?" Tara asked.

Buffy shook her head, unconsciously taking hold of Tara's hand and squeezing it gently.  She looked around the room, her hand still in Tara's as the taller blonde girl stared down at their entwined fingers.  It was such a comforting touch, one that she couldn't explain.  She could feel a connection to the girl sitting beside her.  She finally tore her attention away from their hands and looked around the room.

The two blonde girls stood up, their hands never separating. 

Spike yelped loudly as he fell from the counter and onto the floor.

Dawn looked up at the group of people, her eyes wide and fearful.  "Who…who are you people?" she asked quietly, her voice close to a whimper.

Buffy felt her heart go out to the young girl, and she regretfully pulled away from Tara.  She glanced over her shoulder and gave an apologetic smile.  Tara half-smiled back at her and Buffy moved to comfort Dawn.

Giles and Spike discovered their British accents as Xander began panicking.

"I don't like this," Dawn whispered.

"It's okay, don't worry," Buffy said comfortingly.  "We'll take care of each other."

Several moments later, everyone was scrambling for their identification. 

"It's me!  'Alexander Harris'.  Cute picture.  Hey, I exist."

"I'm Willow Rosenburg.  Heh…funny name."

"I think it's nice," Xander complimented her.  Willow smiled at him, and they looked to the others who were still searching their pockets.

"I'm Tara.  And I'm a student from UC Sunnydale."

"I don't have a wallet," Dawn whispered.

Buffy smiled at the girl and noticed a silver necklace around her neck.

"Hey, look.  You're Dawn," Buffy said.

Dawn grinned and read it upside.  "Or Umad."

"I'm uh…called Rupert Giles."

"Made with care for Randy…Randy Giles?  Why not just call me Horny Giles or Desperate-For-A-Shag Giles?"

Buffy searched her pockets and found no sign of who she was.  She looked to Tara who saw the worried expression.

"You don't have a name?" Tara asked.

"Of course I do…I just don't happen to know it," Buffy replied.  "I'll name me…Joan."

Dawn and Buffy discovered their incredible similarities, and decided that they were sisters.  With that settled, Buffy took up her position next to Tara once more. 

"Do you think we're…friends?" Buffy asked.

Tara looked at the girl in front of her and knew that they weren't just friends.  There was definite affection for the other girl, and Tara knew within herself that she preferred the fairer sex as a choice for her lovers.  She didn't know how she knew exactly, but there was a stirring within her whenever she looked at the blonde girl.  It was strange because she was getting the same stirring for the redhead as well.  But there was something within the blonde girl that was making her feel strangely protective of her as well.

"I think so," Tara affirmed.

Buffy took hold of Tara's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.  "Good."

Tara breathed in deeply, trying to keep herself calm.  Her eyes kept drifting to the beautiful blonde girl beside her, trying to open up a door to her memories that would explain to her why she felt the way she did about her.

"We have no idea what's wrong with us.  I think a hospital's our best shot."

Tara smiled a little at her…friend.  She seemed to fall into the position of leader so naturally, as though she was born to do it.  Tara giggled a little.  Like Joan of Arc.

The group moved towards the door, Willow and Xander walking arm in arm in their assumed coupledom. 

Buffy opened the door and the group that surrounded her began screaming at the 'people' who were waiting on the other side.  Buffy slammed the door shut, locking it quickly.

"Monsters are real!  Did we know that?" Buffy asked.

Tara rubbed Buffy's back soothingly, her eyes drifting to the sliver of Buffy's bronzed skin that showed where her top had ridden up. 

The door burst open just as the group had begun moving towards another exit that was a trapdoor that led to the sewers.  The group ran, the vampires slamming Spike against a wall and grabbing Buffy around the waist.

Tara panicked as she saw her…friend…in the clutches of a demon.

"Joan!"

"Get your hands off me you son of a-" she was cut off by the vampire clamping his hand on her mouth.

Another vampire rushed towards the group and grabbed hold of Tara.  Buffy freed herself from the grip of her captor and ran towards the vampire that had attacked Tara.  She pulled it away from her…friend…and instinctively reached for a stake that had been on the nearby table. 

"Stay" –punch-  "away" –punch-  "from Tara!"

Buffy slammed the stake through the vampire's heart, much to her own shock and the group's complete disbelief.  They watched as the creature disintegrated before their very eyes.

"What did you just do?!" Willow asked in shock.

"Uh…I…I don't know!" she admitted.  "But it was _cool_."

The remaining vampires turned tail and ran out the door.  They quickly sealed off the exit, hoping to buy a little more time.

Buffy helped Tara to her feet and checked her over for injuries.

"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

Tara smiled at her reassuringly.  "I'm fine.  Thanks to you."

Buffy smiled and the two girls hugged.  Willow watched, unsure of why she felt incredibly jealous. 

They reluctantly pulled apart and smiled shyly at one another.  There was a loud bang at the door, reminding everyone that they were still in trouble.  Buffy couldn't help but take charge once again.

"You guys go through the sewers and get to the hospital.  Randy and I'll give the monsters a run for their money," Buffy said.

Tara looked at Buffy, unwilling to be split up.  Buffy gave her a small smile and cupped Tara's cheek fondly.

"I'll be okay.  As long as you're safe.  I'll meet you at the hospital," Buffy assured her.

Tara nodded and ducked her head, not wanting Buffy to see her tears.  Buffy noticed them anywhere and gently tilted Tara's chin so that they were looking at each other.

Buffy stepped forward to embrace the taller girl, Buffy's arms around Tara's neck while Tara held Buffy around the waist, the two of them hugging tightly.  Buffy lent her forehead against Tara's, and spoke quietly to her.

"I'll be okay.  I swear it."

Tara nodded.  She didn't know what else to say, but there was one thing running through her mind.  She didn't want to leave the Magic Box without doing one more thing.  Quickly, before she lost her courage, she ducked her head down and her lips met Buffy's, startling the shorter girl.  Buffy rallied quickly and they kissed quietly, their passion and desperation shining through as their lips and tongues duelled.

They pulled away breathless and panting.

Buffy grinned and pressed a quick kiss to Tara's lips before stepping away.  "There's no way I'm _not_ gonna make it now."

-----

Sorry about the lack of updates.  I keep forgetting about this fic.  Glad you guys are liking this thing!

DKG.


	9. Basic

CHAPTER NINE: BASIC

Xander, Dawn, Tara and Willow had made their way through the sewers, sporadically finding places to hide from the vampire that had chased them into the sewer. Tara couldn't keep her mind off the sweet kiss that she and 'Joan' had shared only half an hour earlier, and was having trouble concentrating on the escape plan.

She could only hope that her…friend…was alright with 'Randy' as they tried to kill the vampires.

It was in that moment when Tara's concentration was completely gone that she was knocked to the ground by Willow who fell on top of her as Xander struggled to kill the vampire that had followed them.

The blonde looked up at the redhead, who was staring at her, the redhead completely unsure of herself. When Willow bent down to bring their lips together, Tara pulled back, regardless of the tingling feeling she had when she looked at Willow. She wouldn't betray 'Joan' by kissing someone else.

Willow looked disappointed, but didn't say anything. She pulled herself off Tara just as Xander and Dawn made their way over to them.

The sound of something breaking echoed through the sewer and suddenly the world came rushing back, memory after memory. Tara turned to look at her lover, too hurt by the memory of the promise that Willow had made and broken to feel guilty about the kiss she'd shared with Buffy.

Without a word, Tara stood up and walked past Willow, unable to even look her lover in the eye. Willow had broken her trust, and that was something that Tara would not be able to forgive. Not for a long time.

00000

By the time Buffy arrived back home after the spell had broken, she found Dawn sulking in the living room. After a quick questioning session, Buffy was racing up the stairs in hopes to stop Tara from her seemingly spur of the moment packing spree.

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked softly.

Tara, startled, jumped and turned to face Buffy. Automatically Tara went a startling shade of red as she remembered the kiss that she and Buffy had shared earlier in the Magic Box. She ducked her head back down and turned her attention back to the box she'd been filling.

"Packing," Tara replied.

Buffy walked into the room and grabbed the box off Tara, stopping the taller blonde girl's motions.

"I can see that," Buffy said, a little bitingly. "But why?"

Tara got over her nervousness and looked up at Buffy.

"Because I can't stay here with Willow anymore," Tara explained. "Not after what she did to me. To us."

Buffy was momentarily confused before finally putting all the pieces together. The spell that had caused them to lose their memories had been Willow's doing. And by the sounds of it, it wasn't the first time that Willow had used such a spell.

"She's done that to you before, hasn't she?" Buffy asked quietly.

Tara sighed and nodded. "I promised myself that I'd never live anywhere that I didn't feel c-completely safe. And…I can't be here with Willow."

"Here in this room, or here in this house?" Buffy asked.

Tara paused. She didn't want to leave. She didn't really have anywhere else to go which was an incentive to stay, but she didn't want to stay considering how awkward it would end up being.

"I don't know," Tara replied uncertainly.

"Tara…please…don't go, okay? You can have my room for the night, and…I'll stay on the couch or in with Dawnie, but…please don't go. Maybe we could sort something out. We could clean out the study and turn that into your room or something, but…please don't go."

Buffy wasn't entirely certain who she was really asking for. She didn't know if she wanted Tara to stay for Tara's sake or for her own. Things between herself and Tara had been strange lately, especially with the kiss they'd shared whilst under the spell. Unfortunately, now was not the time for them to be discussing it when Tara was hurting so badly about Willow.

Tara bit her lower lip, tears welling in her eyes.

"It'll be awkward Buffy," Tara whispered. "With me and Willow still both here. I don't t-think I could…"

Buffy sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She really didn't want Tara to leave. The gentle blonde Wiccan had helped her so much over the last few weeks and she wanted to do anything she could to reciprocate the blonde's helpfulness.

"Do you have anywhere else to go?" Buffy asked.

"No," Tara admitted.

"Then you're staying here at least for tonight," Buffy insisted. "If you decide you still wanna leave, then…then I'll help you find somewhere to live. But you definitely aren't going anywhere tonight."

Tara paused momentarily before letting a smile curl slowly onto her lips.

"You know, you're kind of intimidating," she said lightly.

Buffy just grinned. "Damn straight."

"_You_ maybe," Tara teased.

Buffy groaned and rolled her eyes. Tara breathed a sigh of relief, somehow knowing that while things wouldn't be the same again, it didn't mean that it was the end of the world.

000000

Holy moly, it's an update. And guess what, I've actually got the rest of this fic written. It's nineteen chapters long, and assuming my computer plays nice, I will updating this thing a chapter a day.

Feedback is always nice.

DKG.


	10. Sulking

CHAPTER TEN: SULKING

Tara had purposely gone to college over two hours early in order to avoid Willow, which left the redheaded witch worrying about what the future would hold for her relationship with Tara.

She sat at the kitchen bench, mug of coffee in her hands as she stared blankly at the newspaper in front of her.

Buffy entered the kitchen and sighed sadly. She didn't know what was happening between herself and Tara, but she knew that she didn't like seeing her best friend unhappy. And while she may have drifted apart from Willow in the last few months, it didn't mean that she didn't still love Willow.

The Slayer moved quietly to stand behind the witch, hugging her from behind. Willow sighed and leant against her friend, allowing herself to take comfort in Buffy.

"You doing okay Wills?" Buffy asked quietly.

Willow shook her head sadly. "No. Tara…she's gonna leave," Willow said desolately.

"She's not gonna leave," Buffy assured her. "She's just…you guys just need some time to sort through things."

"She won't forgive me," Willow said stubbornly.

Buffy took the seat beside Willow and took hold of Willow's hand. "Do you think she should?"

Willow sighed and turned her eyes back down to the newspaper. "No," she admitted.

"Will…do you get why she left you?" Buffy asked.

Willow nodded, tears gathering in her eyes. "Cos I used magic."

"It's more than that and you know it," Buffy said.

Willow closed her eyes and leant her head against the kitchen counter. She felt Buffy slowly begin to stroke her hair, the way that Tara had done to comfort her so many times. Willow felt herself relax even though she was still tremendously upset.

"Because I broke my promise," Willow admitted.

"And?" Buffy pushed.

"And…because…because I stole part of her memory."

Buffy nodded. "You know it was wrong," she whispered.

"But…I just…I didn't want us fighting all the time," Willow said.

Buffy forced Willow to sit up and look at her. Even though she felt bad for her best friend, she felt even worse for Tara. She didn't know what was happening between Tara and herself, but it was there, and it was strong. But she knew that she wanted whatever made Tara happy. And she knew from past experience that Willow did make Tara happy. So, if that was the case, then Buffy was going to try her hardest to get the two witches back together again.

"Wills, you can't just take part of someone's memory to make the fight go away," Buffy said gently. "You know that's not right. It's the same as using magic to force someone to stay with you."

"But I love her," Willow cried.

"I know you do. And Tara knows that too. But…she can't trust you if you're not honest with her. And taking away her memory and breaking your promises isn't going to make it better Will. You have to work through it the hard way. And it'll take time and effort, but…I believe that you can do it."

Willow sighed and looked away from her best friend.

"I don't want it to take time," she sulked.

Buffy sighed, knowing that Willow would be a tough nut to crack. It had been the same when Oz had left. She'd turned to magic to try and make the pain go away, but instead she'd only created more for herself.

"Wills…you know I love you, so don't take this the wrong way. Do you love Tara?" Buffy questioned, her last sentence slow and drawn out.

"Of course I do!" Willow yelled, pushing her stool away from the counter and standing up, assuming a defensive position.

Buffy sighed and stood up as well, trying to keep her posture as open as possible to show Willow that she wasn't trying to attack her.

"Will, I know you do. But you really have to think about this. Do you love Tara enough to put in the effort to earn her forgiveness? To earn her trust?" Buffy asked.

Willow's face fell. She was so used to relying on the magics that she'd forgotten how much harder everything was without them. She could use the magic to delve into people's minds to find out their true thoughts and feelings. She could use magic to destroy vampires and help people that way. She could also use magic to make people forget things that had hurt them. Or more specifically, to make them forget that _she_ had hurt them.

"She's worth it," Willow admitted.

Buffy nodded and smiled softly. She took hold of Willow's hand and squeezed it gently.

"Then take the time, and give her the space she needs. Don't push her. Just…let it happen," she advised. "And…if you're meant to get back together you will. And…if it's not meant to happen, then…then I know the two of you will always be friends."


	11. Bonding

CHAPTER ELEVEN: BONDING

Tara timed her arrival back at the Summers' home to happen just after Willow had left. She knew it was cowardly to avoid her former girlfriend, but she didn't think she'd be able to face Willow so soon after their break-up. She walked up the stairs towards Buffy's bedroom, but was sidetracked by the open study-room door.

She poked her head around the corner and was surprised to see Buffy clad in denim overalls and a tightly fitted pale blue shirt, a navy blue bandana holding her hair in place. Tara grinned at the sight.

"You look like Domestic Buffy," Tara said, giggling slightly.

Buffy turned, and grinned. "Hey Tara. How was class?"

"Good actually," she replied honestly. "It uh…helped me to get my m-mind off things."

Buffy smiled gently. "That's good then."

Tara looked around the room, surprised by Buffy's progress with it. The last time she'd seen the study, it had been completely cluttered by Joyce's old belongings that none of them had the heart to get rid of.

"Where did you put your m-mom's things?" Tara asked gently.

Buffy's smile faded and Tara regretted her question.

"Well…some of it went to the gallery, which was good cos…well, the money we got went into Dawn's college fund and the general household money. Um…I put some of it in storage…the stuff that I really couldn't get rid of, y'know," Buffy explained.

Tara nodded. She knew exactly what Buffy meant. She'd gone through the same thing with her mother's belongings. She still had a lot of her mother's possessions with her that she couldn't bear to part with.

"Her clothes and stuff went to Goodwill. And uh…that's about all that was in here."

Tara stepped forward and gently touched Buffy's arm. The Slayer looked up at the blonde Wiccan, tears stinging her eyes.

"Thank you," Tara said quietly, her tone genuine and sincere. "I know this must have been h-hard."

Buffy nodded and gave a half-hearted smile. "That's one word for it. But…it needed to be done, and you gave me the perfect excuse to do it," Buffy said. She paused for a moment and looked proudly around the nearly clean room. "Besides, I didn't even know we had a bed in this room."

Tara chuckled slightly moved to sit on the aforementioned bed. It was only a single bed; probably one that had either come with the house or that had belonged to Dawn before the young girl had upsized to a double bed.

"Oh, and uh…I may have forgotten to mention that even though I've cleaned this place out, if…if you really don't want to stay, then you don't have to. But…I just…well, I wanted you to know that I –_we_- want you here," Buffy said softly, slightly self-conscious. "No matter what happens between you and Wills."

She took a seat on the bed beside Tara, her heart racing for an unknown reason. It was strange; her nervousness seemed to skyrocket whenever she was around Tara nowadays. It was almost like it had been when she'd been around Angel and Riley for the first time. She hadn't taken the time to analyse her feelings for the taller girl just yet, though she knew that when she finally did, she would probably be in for a world of heartache. Tara was the type of girl that you could fall into deep and scary love with. And that was something that Buffy wanted to do, she just wasn't certain that having that kind of a relationship with her best friend's ex-girlfriend was the greatest of ideas.

"Or what happens between you and me?" Tara asked, her voice barely a whisper, her heart pounding furiously.

Buffy's eyes snapped up to lock onto Tara's. She could read fear, nervousness and behind all that a new type of love in Tara's pale blue eyes. She hadn't been expecting Tara to bring up what was happening between them.

Buffy sighed deeply and took hold of Tara's hand, taking comfort in the warmth that it brought. She felt Tara's fingers brush over her nearly healed knuckles, the touch sending tingles throughout her entire body.

"Tara…I don't know what's happening between us," Buffy admitted.

"Me neither," Tara replied.

"All I know is…I don't think I want it to stop."

Tara felt herself sigh with relief. She hadn't realised that she'd been holding her breath to hear Buffy's thoughts on the topic.

"But…"

Tara's breath hitched. She should have known there would be a 'but'.

"Nothing can happen between you and I while you and Will are still so up in the air," Buffy said sadly. "Because…because if you and I…if we became an 'us' and you ended up regretting it, well…it wouldn't be pretty for either of us. And I don't want to ruin our friendship."

Tara nodded, taking the words at face value. She knew that Buffy was right in what she was saying. Regardless of the tingles she felt in her stomach and the way her breath caught in her throat when she looked at Buffy, now was not the time to be jumping into anything, especially when so many other people were involved.

Tara remained silent, unsure of how to answer. Buffy, not really one for silence, took this as a bad sign and jumped straight into a babbling ramble that could have rivalled any of Willow's babble-fests.

"And I mean…this is assuming that you even feel what I feel, which…well, how can you, when I don't even know what I'm feeling, cos…I mean, it's all new. And I've never felt like this about another…well, another woman. Except for that one time, but that's a whole different story. But, I mean…you might not, so…it might just be a completely moot point."

Tara smiled slightly. She'd never seen Buffy nervous before. It was a strange sight to behold, and she couldn't help but wonder how she, Tara Maclay of all people, was making Buffy Summers nervous.

"Buffy, stop," Tara said softly.

Buffy stopped and took a deep breath, her cheeks taking on a slight pink tinge as she realised she'd been rambling. "Sorry," she apologised quietly.

"It's okay. And…and I think I do. Feel the same about you, I mean," Tara qualified.

Buffy felt something within her burst with joy at the same time it was overwrought with sorrow. Her eyebrows scrunched together and she sighed.

"We've got the suckiest timing on the planet," Buffy commented.

"I know," Tara agreed.

Buffy breathed in deeply and looked up at Tara, a smile curling onto her lips. She reached across to gently touch Tara's hand, and felt the taller girls fingers entwine with her own. Buffy felt the familiar peace and contentment wash over her. She heard Tara's breath catch slightly in her throat and the Slayer smiled softly, in awe of the effect she was having on the witch.

She shifted closed to Tara and gently brushed Tara's lips with her own, barely making contact at all, but leaving them both shivering with want. With a slight amount of hesitation, Tara brought her lips back to Buffy's, the contact a little firmer and surer of itself.

They pulled apart several moments later and Buffy brought her free hand up to gently cup Tara's cheek. Their eyes met and Tara smiled at the spark that was in Buffy's eyes.

"We s-shouldn't…" Tara said breathlessly. "We…we have to wait…"

The Slayer bent forward once more and placed a chaste kiss to Tara's cheek before standing up and letting go of the witch.

"You're worth the wait."


	12. Satin

CHAPTER TWELVE: SATIN

Life in the Summers' house was a lot quieter now that Willow and Tara were no longer an item. Dawn had taken to dropping hints to either of the two Wiccans every second she had a chance, telling them how much the other missed them and how great it would be when they got back together. Buffy had pulled her aside and gently told her to let whatever was going to happen take its course naturally. Hinting them back to each other wasn't going to work.

This meant that with the two Wiccans on a break, every 'family' meal was very quiet. Buffy was usually the one trying to draw Willow, Tara and Dawn into conversation, but usually it didn't work. Dinners were fine if one of the Wiccans happened to be missing, but with both of them there, it was always awkward.

Weeks passed, and Willow stopped using her magic as a crutch. She began controlling it instead of allowing the magic to control her. She still used the magic to help with patrolling, but if it wasn't magic for the Scoobies, she would stop herself and use normal human means to complete a task.

Tara had to admit that Willow was definitely on the right track. The only problem was that during the weeks that they'd been separated, Willow and Tara had grown apart, and Buffy and Tara had only grown closer.

Tara was glad for her newfound friendship with the Slayer, because ever since the Wiccan had met the shorter blonde girl, she'd known that she wanted to get to know Buffy better. And she was only just now having the chance to do so. They managed to become even closer to each other when Anya decided that she wanted the two blondes to be her bridesmaids. Willow and Dawn were to be Xander's best 'men'.

So, with Anya dragging the two blonde girls around the copious amounts of dress shops in LA, Buffy and Tara seemed to bond even more.

"What do you think of this?" Anya asked, holding up a bright green dress, the sleeves a slightly darker green and going down to the elbows.

Both Tara and Buffy's noses wrinkled in disgust.

"Why don't we put that on the 'maybe' list," Tara said diplomatically.

Unfortunately for the Slayer and the Wiccan, the 'maybe' list of horrible dresses that Anya had proposed was longer than the nicer dresses that Tara and Buffy had found for themselves.

Anya put the dress back down and wandered away.

"Why don't we put that on the 'maybe when hell freezes over' list," Buffy whispered.

Tara giggled and swatted Buffy's arm, and they continued perusing the shelves.

"Ooo! I found the perfect dress!" Anya called from in front of them.

The girls exchanged glances as they rolled their eyes. They'd seen too many 'perfect' dresses. They obliged Anya by walking towards her. However, this time was different. Buffy and Tara exchanged glances as they looked at the dresses that Anya was holding up in each of the girls' sizes.

The bride-to-be had been right. They were the perfect dresses. They were a very pale blue, spaghetti strap dresses that flowed to the ankle. Within minutes, the girls were in the change rooms, staring at themselves in the blue dresses in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirror, Anya looking at them with a pensive look on her face.

"See," Anya finally said happily. "Perfect."

------------------------

With the dresses bought and tailored to size, shoes and jewellery organised, the only thing left to organise for the wedding was the hens and bucks nights. Willow and Dawn were taking Xander out, while Tara and Buffy were giving Anya a girls-night-in.

The evening-in had so far consisted of a fair amount of alcohol, many embarrassing stories about Xander, and the two bridesmaids giving Anya gifts.

Some of the gifts were gag-gifts, mostly consisting of lingerie, edible panties and body-chocolate. Both Tara and Buffy had been in hysterics when Anya had, in all seriousness, got a wicked gleam in her eyes at the ideas that had come to her about the use of all the items.

The other gift was a little more serious, and had made the three girls tear up when they'd handed it over. It was a white-gold necklace, a cross adorning the chain. On the back of the cross was engraved 'Anya Harris, Scooby Forever'.

Anya, who had never really felt too much like par of the Scoobies, was genuinely touched by the gift. She'd hugged Buffy and Tara tightly, before announcing that she wanted to play a game.

Many drinks later, the game was continuing.

"Okay, okay, I got one," Anya said, the giggles dying down. "Tara, truth or dare."

Tara wasn't tipsy enough to be _that_ brave. "Truth."

"Who do you thinks sexier: Willow or me?" Anya asked.

"You Anya," Tara replied, managing to keep a straight face. "Definitely you."

Anya smiled happily. Tara winked at Buffy who tried to contain her grin.

"Buffy, your turn," Tara said. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Buffy replied.

"Who do _you _thinks sexier?" Tara asked, a grin tugging at her lips, her eyes twinkling mischievously. "Anya or me?"

"Can I have a third option?" Buffy asked.

"Hey!" Anya cried out.

"I think I'll second that 'hey'," Tara teased. "Alright…out of Anya, Willow and me…"

"Oh…that's not so easy," Buffy said grinning widely. They'd had way too much to drink and it was plain to see that. "I don't think I'd want to decide that without having kissed all three of you."

"Well, Willow's not here," Anya complained.

Tara giggled. She knew they were playing with fire, and it was a sure way to get burnt.

"You'll just have to go back to my original question. Anya or me?" Tara said.

"I'd still wanna compare," Buffy said.

Anya just shrugged and leant across the circle they'd formed on the floor. Buffy hadn't been expecting Anya to actually go through with the kiss, but she rallied quickly. It was short and sweet, and Buffy was just hoping that Anya didn't feel the need to share this story with the rest of the Scoobies.

Anya pulled back and looked to Tara. "Your turn."

Tara looked at Buffy, suddenly feeling far less tipsy than she had been. Slowly, she shifted position and leant across the circle, Buffy meeting her halfway. Their lips met softly, gently, the kiss lingering for long moments as their tongues tangled together. Anya watched in fascination.

Tara finally pulled back, remembering their audience.

"Well…sorry to say this, but my answer is gonna have to be…Tara," Buffy finally said.

Anya pouted and folded her arms across her chest petulantly.

"What does she have that I don't?" Anya asked.

"More what she doesn't have that you do," Buffy replied.

Tara looked at the Slayer, completely confused. "What's that?"

"A significant other."

The girls lost themselves to a fit of giggles before declaring the game over and retiring for the evening. They had a wedding to go to in the morning.


	13. Bridal Party

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: BRIDAL PARTY

Buffy, Tara and Anya had awoken, strewn across the floor of the Summers' living room, with various degrees of hurting hangovers. After aspirin and plenty of water, the girls were in the back room of the hall they'd hired for the wedding, trying to keep from giggling as they tried to fix each other's hair and make-up.

Buffy was trying to help Anya with her mascara, but the bride-to-be was far too excited to actually sit still, and Buffy was having a hard time not poking the girls eye out.

"Sit still," Buffy ordered impatiently.

"I wanna see him," Anya complained. "Come on…just five minutes."

"No, it's bad luck," Buffy said firmly. "And that is something you definitely don't need on the hellmouth."

Anya pouted, but finally sat still, allowing Buffy to finish with the mascara. Tara was behind Anya, trying to fix the ex-demon's hair. Buffy and Tara couldn't help but exchange grins and shy glances over the bride-to-be's head whenever Anya began one of her rants.

"You don't think he's having second-thoughts do you?" Anya asked worriedly.

"Anya, he loves you," Tara said firmly. "Nothing in this world-"

"Or any other," Buffy interjected.

"Could keep him from you," Tara finished.

Anya smiled and felt her eyes tearing up.

"No!" Buffy yelled, fanning at Anya's eyes with her hands. "No crying! We couldn't get waterproof mascara!"

Anya forced herself to control her tears and calmed herself completely. A grin broke out on her face. Tara took a step back and pronounced that she was done. Anya stood excitedly and raced to the mirror, looking at herself and turning to the side to make sure the dress made her look slim.

"We done good," Buffy said quietly.

Tara laughed softly at Buffy's horrible grammar but nodded anyway. "We did very good," she agreed.

Neither of them noticed Anya's curious glance as she stared at them through the mirror. They both missed the speculative and mischievous twinkle in Anya's eyes as well. Had they seen it, they would have known that they were definitely in trouble.

------------------------

Xander stood at the 'altar' with Willow and Dawn at his sides. He was bouncing nervously and his palms were sweaty, but he knew that this was the right decision. He didn't want to spend a single day without Anya in his life, and marrying her was the next step that he wanted to take with the woman he loved. Willow squeezed Xander's shoulder comfortingly. He shot her a grateful grin before snapping his attention back to the centre aisle as the strings quartet began to play the wedding march.

Tara went down the aisle first, followed by Buffy, and both girls took their positions on the other side of the 'altar', leaving room for Anya to stand beside Xander.

The bride, dressed in a beautiful white form-fitted gown that buttoned up in the back, escorted by Giles, smiled widely as she walked up the aisle. The small amount of guests that consisted mostly of several of Xander's friends from his construction site, and a few random acquaintances from Sunnydale, stood as the bride walked up the aisle to meet her groom.

Buffy and Tara grinned at one another; both of them thankful that it seemed as though the event had gone off without a single hiccup. As the minister announced them husband and wife, all of the Scoobies breathed a collective sigh of relief, thankful that nothing had disturbed the one day they had wanted to have run smoothly.

------------------------

The reception was held back at the Summers' house, as Anya hadn't wanted to spend an inordinate amount of money on hiring a hall for so few people. It was a Scoobies only affair, and one of the rare few happy occasions that they celebrated with no demons or vampires gate-crashing the party.

It ended fairly early, mainly because Anya insisted on leaving as early as possible to get to the hotel they were staying in before leaving on the weeklong honeymoon that she and Xander had organised. When Anya and Xander had left, Giles, Willow, Dawn, Buffy and Tara remained in the house, cleaning up the plates and bowls that had been used.

"I'd say that that was a complete success," Giles said happily.

"Anya looked _so_ beautiful!" Dawn gushed.

"And Xander cleaned up pretty nicely as well," Tara added. "If you, y'know, like that sort of thing."

Buffy hid her grin behind her hand and Dawn just giggled. Willow approached the group cautiously and looked to Tara. Buffy's smile faded and she felt her heart and throat constrict. She took a deep breath and reminded herself that Willow was her best friend.

"Dawnie, can you give Giles and I a hand in the kitchen?"

Both Giles and Dawn looked slightly startled by the suggestion, but both of them noticed the tension between Willow and Tara and complied without comment.

Tara looked at Buffy, the Slayer smiling gently and trying to keep the tears from welling in her eyes.

"Good luck," she whispered for Tara to hear as she passed by, gently touching the other blonde girls hand on the way to the kitchen. Tara felt her heart jolt and couldn't help but wonder just what would come of the next few moments. All she knew was that things would never be the same within the Scooby Gang no matter what was decided.


	14. Sacrificing

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: SACRIFICING

Willow took a deep breath, completely nervous about what was to come. She and Tara hadn't been alone in over a month and a half, and it was incredibly nerve-wracking to say the least.

"So, uh…how are you?" Willow asked inanely.

"Good," Tara replied. "I'm good…you?"

"Fine," Willow replied quickly. "Just fine…uh…"

"This is kinda…"

"Awkward?" Willow finished.

Tara nodded sadly. It had never been like that between them before. It hurt to realise how far apart they know were.

"Tara, I…I wanted to tell you how sorry I am," Willow said softly. "What happened…I mean, with the magic and all…I never meant for it to go that far. I never meant to hurt you. And I should have kept my promise to you. I never should have used magic against you."

Tara breathed in deeply, wondering how exactly to handle things. She loved Willow, there was no doubting that. The problem now was working out if she and Willow could ever go back to how things were before the spell. Trust needed to be earned, and she wasn't certain that she could trust Willow unconditionally. The redheaded Wiccan had lied about too many things in the last few months, and it worried Tara.

"For what it's worth…I forgive you," Tara said softly. "I just…I just don't know if I trust you."

Willow was both disappointed and completely elated at the same time. She had desperately wanted Tara's forgiveness, but she couldn't deny that a larger part of her had wanted to hear that she and Tara could overcome what had happened and get back together.

"Is there…I mean, is there even a chance that you and I…" Willow trailed off, not even able to say the words.

Tara breathed in deeply. She couldn't deny that she loved Willow. But Willow had betrayed her trust and their love, and she refused to feel guilty over being distrustful. There was also the other problem of her growing feelings for Buffy. With everything that had happened with Willow, Tara had found herself turning to the Slayer for friendship and comfort, and that friendship had been steadily growing into more. She wanted to discover what she could possibly have with Buffy, but she knew that it would completely devastate Willow.

"No," Tara finally managed to reply, tears welling in her eyes. She couldn't give Willow even the slightest suggestion to say that they could ever get back together if there was nothing there.

Willow felt her throat clog up painfully. She tried to keep her breathing steady and her tears at bay. She nodded, trying to keep a brave face, but she was close to completely breaking down into a sobbing mess.

"Willow, I…I'm sorry," Tara whispered softly. "I just…I can't. We c-can't, y'know, be together like that again. I…I'd always be wondering, even just at the back of my mind whether or not I could really trust you. That wouldn't be fair to either of us."

Willow nodded, again damning her behaviour and her foolish mistake of tampering with Tara's memory. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek, and she raised a shaking hand to wipe it away.

"Well, uh…thank you for being honest I suppose," Willow whispered, her voice barely audible.

Tara felt her heart breaking, but there was no chance of ever trusting the redhead again. If Willow had managed to keep her promise to go the week without magic, Tara would have been more inclined to trust her ex-girlfriend, but Willow had not only broken her promise, but had tried to alter Tara's memory in regards to all the fights they'd been having.

"I'm sorry Willow," Tara said softly.

Willow nodded and breathed in deeply. "So am I."

Tara gently touched Willow's hand and leaned down to gently give a final kiss to Willow's cheek. Willow stifled a sob and watched helplessly as Tara walked slowly out the door. As soon as the door had closed, the tears that Willow had been fighting to keep at bay began to flow freely.


	15. Blue

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: BLUE

Two weeks after Xander and Anya's wedding, the happy couple had returned from their honeymoon, wonderfully tanned and more relaxed than any of the Scoobies had ever seen before. The two weeks without Xander and Anya had been fairly ordinary for the remaining Scoobies. Buffy had continued to patrol, Dawn had complaining heavily about school, Willow had been stressing about her exams, and Tara had decorated her new room within the Summers' house.

Of course, painting the room couldn't just have been a simple affair. They did live in Sunnydale after all.

/ "Are you sure this is the right blue?" Buffy asked, looking at the can of paint, after having pried off the lid, thankfully without breaking her nails. She'd foregone using a screwdriver to open the lid, but Slayer strength came in handy for more than just killing demons.

"It'll look lighter once it dries," Tara assured her.

Buffy just shrugged and nodded, pouring a good amount into a tray and replacing the lid so the paint wouldn't dry out. Buffy covered one of the roller-brushes with paint and handed it to Tara.

"Would you care to do the honours?" Buffy asked.

Tara smiled and took the roller from the Slayer, their hands overlapping for a few breathless moments. Their eyes locked for what seemed like an eternity, until Tara finally smiled mischievously and ran the roller up the side of Buffy's face. "Gotcha!"

The Slayer jerked away from the paint, wiping at it the cold liquid with her hand and pulling away her paint covered fingers.

"Dem's fighting words," Buffy cried, lunging at Tara, who laughed and dodged out of the way. Buffy managed to catch Tara in a corner and watched Tara's laughing eyes even as she squirmed to get away. Buffy lifted her hand and spread her blue handprint across Tara's cheek and ended the motion by drawing a line down the centre of Tara's nose.

Tara grabbed hold of Buffy's blue hand and held tight, knowing that Buffy could have easily outmatched her if she'd wanted to, but Buffy knew how to play fight with people who didn't have her strength. She allowed Tara to wrestle her into touching her own face. To add insult to injury, Tara grabbed the roller and ran it over Buffy's hair, making the Slayer squeal.

Buffy yanked the roller away from Tara and managed to paint a racing stripe down Tara's bare leg, loving the fact that Tara was wearing shorts for once. When Tara overbalanced whilst trying to get away, they ended up on the floor, Tara above the Slayer, who looked up at her captor. Buffy's breath hitched as she looked at Tara's soft blue eyes, and the struggles and play fighting stopped.

Buffy breathed in deeply before lifting her face slightly, touching her lips to Tara's before the Wiccan could protest. To the two blondes, it seemed as though time stopped and they melted into one another, Buffy enjoying the soft weight resting on top of her.

They pulled apart breathless, staring at one another for an endless moment until Tara rolled away from Buffy and stood up. Buffy sighed and pulled herself to her knees. She closed her eyes, looking down in an attempt to control herself. It hurt not being able to be with Tara the way she wanted to. But it hadn't even been two weeks since Tara and Willow had 'officially' called it quits. It would be very bad form for the two of them to be together, and hiding relationships had never worked well for the Scoobies.

"I'm sorry," Buffy said quietly.

Tara sighed and knelt beside the Slayer. "I don't want you to be sorry for kissing me," Tara said softly.

"Well, to be honest, I'm not really all that sorry," Buffy said, looking up at the Wiccan. "It's just…there's no point in torturing ourselves like this. We can't…"

Tara sighed once more and brought up a hand to touch Buffy's cheek. She leant forward and kissed Buffy's forehead, ignoring the trace of paint on Buffy's skin.

"Soon." /

Six weeks after the wedding, and Willow and Tara's official break-up, things were still business as usual at the Summers house. Willow and Tara weren't avoiding each other, but they still found it difficult to hold a conversation for more than ten minutes. It was better when there were others around to draw into their talks, but alone, they just couldn't seem to find anything to say to each other.

Willow knew that she need to give up hope of Tara going back on her decision, and honestly, Willow couldn't blame Tara for not wanting to trust Willow again. She'd gone back on her word, and that was something that Tara couldn't forgive.

For her part, Willow honestly tried to move on. Becoming part of a Wiccan group that was more serious than the one she'd been a part of in college helped her tremendously to sort through what was considered acceptable magic use. Willow hadn't really been taught about the consequences of self-indulgent magic, and she had a feeling that karma had been working against her for the past few months. The group she was with taught her to channel her magic properly, and how to use magic effectively without the magic being selfish.

It didn't hurt that she was making new friends through the group. And while she would never have friends as loyal as the Scoobies, it was nice to have something that could be considered as just hers.

The Scoobies were happy for Willow to be part of something that would help her to control her magic, especially if it meant it was an effective way for Willow to begin to heal over the pain of losing Tara.

Anya meanwhile, kept her eyes on Tara and her blossoming friendship with Buffy. To the ex-vengeance demon, the beginnings of a relationship were always the best parts, and she was honestly hoping that the two of her friends would get their acts together and admit how they felt about the other. The sexual tension was killing her, and Anya couldn't understand why Tara and Buffy wouldn't just go for it.

Giles had noticed the subtle shift of Tara's attentions, and hoped that the Wiccan wouldn't hurt the girl that Giles considered a daughter. However, he was knowledgeable enough to know that Tara would never knowingly do anything to damage his Slayer, and that the taller blonde girl would do everything in her power to ensure the safety and well being of Buffy's fragile heart.


	16. Sore

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: SORE

(This probably replaces Seeing Red, except, y'know, with no nerds, and no Spike. Just wonderful bathtime fun.)

The house was quiet, Willow and Dawn were sleeping in their respective rooms, but Tara Maclay couldn't seem to fall into the bliss of unconsciousness. With a sigh of annoyance, Tara threw the covers away from her body and slipped out of bed, creeping down the hallway, careful to navigate her way around the creaky areas of the floorboards that she'd memorised over the last few months.

She crept downstairs, heading towards the kitchen, surprised to see light shimmering beneath the crack of the doorway. She opened the door, smiling softly when she saw Buffy, the Slayer's head resting on the table, her face soft with sleep.

Tara stepped forward, gently touching Buffy's shoulder. The Slayer jerked awake, a rushed movement, the chair flying backwards, and Buffy leaping to her feet, prepared for any attack that could happen.

Tara stepped backwards, her hands in the air, her heart racing at the potentially volatile situation she could have put herself in. She watched as Buffy visibly settled, her eyes softening as recognition set in.

"Sorry," Buffy murmured, her hands relaxing from the fists that had automatically formed.

"S'okay. I should know better than to wake you like that," Tara replied quietly.

Buffy rubbed at her eyes and glanced at the wall clock on the other side of the room. She winced as she realised how early it was. She'd need to be up in another four or so hours to get Dawn off to school on time.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" Buffy asked.

"I could say the same for you," Tara replied.

Buffy shrugged, wincing a little as it pulled an aching muscle. Her lower back was a mass of agony, and she could feel the bruises forming. She'd been thrown backwards into a headstone, and it had shattered beneath the force of the throw. She hadn't been able to make her way up the stairs, and sleeping on the couch had been a painful experience she hadn't wanted to repeat. She'd popped a few Tylenol and settled in at the kitchen table. She hadn't even been aware of falling asleep, but apparently she had.

"You okay?" Tara asked.

Buffy sighed, knowing that there was very little point in lying to Tara.

"Took a pretty heavy beating on patrol," Buffy explained. "Some vamp decided to introduce me to a headstone."

Tara winced in sympathy and stepped forward. "Can I see?"

Buffy sighed and spun around, lifting the hem of her shirt at the back to allow Tara to see the deep scrapes and the quickly darkening area in the centre of her lower back.

"Looks painful," Tara murmured.

"Feels it too."

"You should go soak in the tub," Tara suggested.

Buffy sighed, the thought of it sounding like heaven to her tired body.

"Couldn't make it up the stairs," she confessed.

Tara paused, taking in the admission, knowing that the Slayer probably wasn't too happy to admit her weakness, especially when things were still so undefined between them. Tara, however, wasn't about to let Buffy's pride get in the way of anything.

"C'mon," she prompted, gently leading Buffy out of the kitchen and towards the staircase.

"No, Tare, I'll be fine," Buffy said, the nickname falling out of tired lips.

Tara smiled at the moniker and gently pushed on Buffy's upper back to keep her walking. Buffy kept resisting until Tara stepped around to face the Slayer, their eyes meeting, a silent challenge in the witches gaze. Buffy finally sighed, knowing there was no real reason for her to be so argumentative.

"Good choice," Tara praised softly.

She helped the Slayer up the stairs and into the bathroom. She closed the door so as not to wake the other girls down the hall, and ran the bath, adding a few herbal remedies to help with the Slayer's naturally quick healing. She tested the temperature of the water, satisfied that it wasn't too hot. She turned to see the Slayer leaning on the sink, her eyelids drooping.

"You okay to get undressed?" Tara murmured, her voice soft and barely audible.

Buffy nodded absently, her fingers fumbling with the button of her jeans, her shaky hands clumsy and unable to properly undo the fixture. Tara stepped forward, her hands covering Buffy's fingers. She propped a finger from her other hand under Buffy's chin, tilting the Slayer's head up to meet her gaze.

"Let me?" Tara whispered softly.

The witch was suddenly incredibly aware of just how much sizzled between them, the rarely spoken about attraction, affection and respect that they danced around. But now, in the dark of the night with nothing stopping them except their nerves, Tara was very aware of just how she could potentially feel about the woman in front of her.

Buffy swallowed hard, her heart pounding furiously. She hadn't felt this nervous in a long time. She'd never really been shy about who she was, or what she felt, but things with Tara had been different from the start. This was the moment that she'd been waiting for, when things between herself and Tara would either fizzle and die down, or explode in a cascading effect. And considering the way her heart was threatening to jump out of her chest, she was fairly certain that nothing was about to fizzle down any time soon.

She lowered her hand, allowing Tara free reign, the two of them staring at each other, their breathing heavy, both of them knowing that this was the point of no return. They'd waited two months since Tara's official moment of letting Willow go. They'd had chance encounters of breathless moments, but they'd always pulled back, wanting to give it some more time. Eight weeks on, and things had finally come to a head.

Tara reached forward, deftly unbuttoning Buffy's jeans, the sound of the zipper being pulled down sounded almost deafening in the otherwise quiet bathroom. Tara knelt, gently tugging the jeans from Buffy's legs and encouraging her to step out of them.

Tara looked up at the Slayer, taking in the petite curves of the figure of the woman in front of her, noticing the faint trembling in the Slayer's body, and the tightly coiled tension beneath the surface. With a daring she rarely felt, Tara ran her hand up a smooth calf, up shapely thighs and rested her open palm on the Slayer's backside, relishing in Buffy's loud gulp.

Their eyes locked once more, and Buffy nodded her permission, allowing Tara to pull her panties down. Buffy placed her hands on Tara's shoulders, keeping her balance as she stepped out of the skimpy material, and stood before Tara, feeling strangely safe even in her half-exposed state.

Tara stood slowly, her hands drifting to the hem of Buffy's top. After another nod from the Slayer, Tara carefully lifted the shirt up over Buffy's head, wincing in sympathy when she heard the Slayer's sharp hiss of pain when the muscles in her back pulled at the movement.

The Wiccan realised that her breathing would need to slow down a notch if she didn't want to pass out from asphyxiation. She bit her lip, trying to keep her eyes locked on the Slayer's face, rather than at the amount of exposed flesh that she hadn't even realised she'd wanted to view so badly. Her hands skimmed over the silky flesh of Buffy's hips, her fingers tracing a map over the gentle curves.

"Okay?" she asked softly.

"Mmmhmm," Buffy murmured, her own hands reaching out to touch Tara, the temptation to reciprocate the gesture too overwhelming.

They continued standing there, a stalemate of sorts, hands softly caressing, careful to remain within unspoken boundaries, careful not to rock an undefined relationship.

"Water's gettin' cold," Buffy murmured.

With shaking hands, Tara reached up and undid the clasp of Buffy's bra, letting it fall to the floor. She gazed at the Slayer, swallowing hard as she took in the muscles, the curves and the understated strength that the woman had.

She held onto Buffy's hand, helping her stay balanced as she climbed over the edge of the tub and sank into the still warm water, settling into the depths of the bubbles, and hiding perfectly rounded breasts. Tara sighed, half in disappointment, and half in relief.

She allowed a moment for the Slayer to adjust to the temperature of the water before she grabbed a soft sponge and lathered it with soap. Buffy tensed slightly, not certain what to expect. This wasn't something that she'd done with any of her previous lovers.

And with that thought alone, Buffy's brain froze entirely. Lovers.

She and Tara may not have been there yet, but that was what the last few months had been building towards. She and Tara were going to be lovers. She knew that she wouldn't normally even think about doing what was she contemplating doing. But she was tired, and the painkillers were making her slightly dopey. Her Slayer side hated being tired, and tried to compensate by being courageous.

"S'a big tub," Buffy whispered. Yup, lots of courage.

Tara's eyes widened, wondering if she wasn't just wishfully hearing an implied invitation.

"Wanna share?"

Dry-mouthed and too stunned to even try denying that she desperately wanted to share such an intimate act with this woman, Tara slowly discarded her boxer shorts and tank top, thankful that she hadn't bothered with undergarments while trying to sleep. She didn't want to have too many layers to discard and chicken out in the mean time.

"You sure?" Tara asked, not wanting to push anything in this fragile moment.

Buffy nodded, scooting forward in the water, allowing Tara to step in behind her. Buffy slowly settled herself back, adjusting her weight so that the bruising on her back wasn't being aggravated, she leant back against Tara, their hands tangling in front of Buffy, the warmth of the water uncoiling a great deal of the tension.

Unable to help herself, Tara bent forward and pressed a soft kiss to the Slayer's shoulder, tasting the salty skin, enjoying the fact that she didn't have to control her impulse to touch Buffy anymore. The only problem now was that she didn't know if she could go back to just being friends after this. She couldn't hide her feelings for Buffy after being allowed to express them. She wouldn't be able to keep her hands to herself now that she'd had the opportunity to let her hands memorise soft skin.

Tara revelled in the soft moan that rumbled through the Slayer's throat as she continued to press kisses to Buffy's soft skin. Tara felt her heart beat go into overdrive as Buffy tilted her head to allow the Wiccan easier access to her neck, and Tara took the offering for what it was, gently nipping and licking at Buffy's nape.

Buffy's hand lifted out of the water and curved around to the back of Tara's head, threading her fingers gently in Tara's hair and pressing the Wiccan closer.

"Tare…"

Tara smiled at the nickname and at the tone of Buffy's voice, soft and needy.

The Slayer shifted, turning her head and capturing Tara's lips, their mouths meeting in a gentle caress, both of them delighting in the sweetness of finally being able to take what they'd been wanting for months. It seemed that the build-up towards this had made the culmination of their desires even more potent.

They broke apart after several breathless moments, Buffy's fingers gently massaging Tara's scalp, as Tara's hands brushed gentle strokes along Buffy's ribcage.

Buffy suddenly laughed a little and leant her head back on Tara's shoulder, her eyes closed, a grin on her face. It had been far too long since she'd felt like this, and she was unable to believe that it was Tara who was making her feel this way.

"You're beautiful, you know," Tara confessed. "When you smile like that."

They stayed wrapped in each other's arms, enjoying the feeling of being so close. As the water began cooling, Tara shifted and helped the Slayer out of the tub. She grabbed a towel and slowly dried Buffy's skin, enjoying the fact that she could finally look her fill, without worrying about whether it was the right time or not. She helped Buffy into some lose fitting pyjamas and then escorted the Slayer back to her room.

Buffy slid beneath the covers of her bed, her body exhausted from the aches and pains it was trying to heal. She knew that she would be asleep within minutes, but the thought of sleeping alone had very little appeal.

A hand snaked out to grab Tara's wrist, her grip gentle. "Stay?"

Tara didn't even think of denying her the request, and within moments, the Slayer and the Wiccan were cuddled up next to each other, and sleeping the sleep of the deeply content.


	17. Breaking II

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: BREAKING

Willow Rosenberg slipped out of bed, sliding her slippers onto her feet and wrapping her dressing gown around her body. She shivered in the morning coolness and stretched her muscles. She rubbed her eyes tiredly and made her way out of the room, wandering into the bathroom on her way. The clock that they'd had to install in the bathroom, on account of the fact that four women trying to share a bathroom had been incredibly difficult to try and schedule, told Willow that it was still too early to be up.

Unfortunately, Willow had an unfortunate habit of being unable to get back to sleep once she woke up.

She went through her morning routine, brushing her teeth and running a comb through her hair. She washed and moisturised her face and wiped down the sink after she was finished. Hanging her towel back up on its hook, she wandered back out into the corridor.

Willow silently moved to her best friend's door. Living with the Slayer as a roommate at college had taught Willow a lot about the Slayer's propensity towards injuries, and she knew that Buffy often went to bed without having treated herself. It had become a habit of Willow's to check on her friend in the mornings, and even five months of Buffy being…gone, Willow still hadn't been able to rid herself of the habit.

She carefully opened Buffy's door and glanced inside.

Her heart stopped. Or, she could have sworn it did.

She closed the door and backed away, retreating to the safety of her own bedroom and shutting the door behind her. She leaned her forehead against the cool wooden door, trying to calm her breathing.

Tears slipped down her cheeks and she closed her eyes, trying to expel the image of her ex-lover curled up in bed beside her best friend. They'd been fully clothed, but Willow wasn't blind. She'd seen the way that they'd clung to each other in sleep. She'd seen the way Tara's hand had cradled Buffy's hip, and the easy trust that the two blondes had held each other with.

She'd known on one level that Tara would never be hers again. The only problem was, she'd never really consciously thought about what would happen the day that she had to admit that Tara belonged to someone else.

Willow couldn't decide what would have been worse. Seeing Tara with Buffy, her best friend and someone that Willow trusted with her life, and, more importantly, with Tara's life. Or seeing Tara with a complete stranger that Willow had no clue about.

And while it hurt to think about Tara with _anyone_ else, Willow was mature enough to acknowledge that if Tara had to move on to anyone, it may as well be someone that Willow knew would never do anything to hurt the fragile blonde.

Biting back a sob, Willow pulled herself together and prepared herself for the inevitable. She knew her best friend and her ex-girlfriend well enough to know that neither of them would sneak around behind her back without telling her within at least the first week of their relationship. So, unless Willow was completely off base about her friends, she knew that whatever was happening between Tara and Buffy was fairly new.

If she was going to get through Buffy and/or Tara telling her about this new relationship, she would need far more than her resolve face.

She wandered downstairs and made espressos.


	18. Sharing

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: SHARING

Buffy was the first to stir, her body going into an automatic stretch to loosen tense muscles. Two things stopped her. The first was pain flaring in her back. Horribly unpleasant. The second was the warm body wrapped around her. Incredibly pleasant.

Buffy forced her body to relax, not just so that her back wouldn't go into spasms, but so that she didn't wake the sleeping Wiccan.

The Slayer lay in silence, a smile on her lips, tears in her eyes. Her heart clenched, the well of emotion being stirred was almost overwhelming.

Unbidden, her tears began to spill out. Months of angst, of residual numbness seeping out, the anger, pain and resentment that she'd unconsciously held onto was leaking out in a cathartic release.

She'd held onto her emotions for so long, not allowing them to be expressed for fear of what would come out. And as much as she'd recovered since her resurrection, she'd never truly been rid of the issues that it had dredged up. She'd never been free of the suffocating feeling that she'd lived with for the last six months.

But now, lying there in Tara's arms, she _knew_, with a depth of knowledge that she'd not had before, that she could let it go. She could be free of everything that had happened. Not just because she had a bright and shiny future to look forward to, but because the past could no longer hurt her unless she allowed it.

It was, partly, because of Tara that she understood this. The gentle Wiccan had led her down the garden path, laying down a firm cornerstone for Buffy to build on.

Tara hadn't tried to get Buffy to lean this new structure onto Tara, as Riley and even Angel had encouraged her to do. Tara had shown her where to place a few keys bricks, how to stir the cement just so, and allowed Buffy to rebuild herself in a healthy and independent manner.

Partnership in the truest sense of the word. Buffy and Tara had relied on each other for months. They'd helped each other rebuild after their respective collapses. It wasn't one-sided. It wasn't selfish. It wasn't that either of them had needed saving. They'd needed a leg up, and they'd been able to provide that for each other.

Buffy's tears slowed, and she felt a quiet contentment soak through her body. She lifted a hand and stroked her fingers gently through Tara's hair.

So…this was what partnership truly was.

------------------------

Tara woke with a smile on her face. She hummed happily at the feeling of fingers stroking through her hair. "S'nice," she murmured softly.

"Morning," Buffy whispered, kissing Tara's forehead.

Tara stretched and titled her head to look up at Buffy. "How's your back?"

"Kinda sore," Buffy admitted. "Better though."

"Do you want some help putting some cream on there?" Tara asked.

Buffy nodded, her fingers still dancing through Tara's hair. "That'd be nice."

They fell silent, enjoying each other's company, until Buffy's stomach rumbling broke the silence. Buffy tried not to react, but Tara couldn't help giggling at the sound.

"Feeding time for you, I think," Tara said, reluctantly pulling away from Buffy. She paused for a moment, looking down at the other woman, smiling happily. Unable to help herself, she leant down and pressed a chaste kiss to Buffy's lips.

As Tara pulled back, Buffy snaked a hand up to the back of Tara's neck, pulling Tara back down to kiss her properly. It was a thoroughly lazy exploration that left them both wondering when they'd get the chance for more.

"Mmm, I wouldn't mind waking up to that more often," Buffy said.

Tara smiled and slipped out of the bed. Buffy slowly proper herself up in bed, well aware of how badly her back was hurting. Tara noticed the slow movements and hovered close to the petite blonde to ensure Buffy didn't hurt herself while getting out of bed.

Buffy ran her fingertips lightly up Tara's forearm, smiling her appreciation for the Wiccan's concern, and for allowing Buffy to get out of the bed herself. The help was there if needed, but not intrusive. It was the balance that Riley and Angel had both lacked. It was a small act, but one that Buffy felt was something that was significant. They could support each other without crowding the other.

"Could you maybe help me down the stairs?" Buffy asked. "I don't particularly wanna find out what taking a header down the stairs will do to my back."

Tara nodded, heading into the hallway and waiting at the top of the stairs. She let Buffy take hold, and set the pace as they made their way down the stairs. As Buffy let go of Tara's arm, the Slayer ran her fingers across the small slit of skin showing between Tara's tank top and her pyjama pants. Tara shivered, almost shocked at how forward the Slayer was. Buffy just grinned mischievously.

They walked into the kitchen, both of them faltering slightly as they saw Willow at the kitchen counter, drinking coffee. From the looks of the level of coffee in the machine, it wasn't her first.

"G-good morning," Tara greeted, slightly rattled by the presence of her ex-girlfriend.

"Hey guys," Willow said cheerily. "Want coffee?"

Buffy raised an eyebrow at her best friend. "Looks like you've been indulging already. Got a test?"

"Nope," Willow replied. "Just wanted to start the day with lotsa caffeine."

Buffy smiled, though her heart wasn't entirely in it. She knew that she and Tara needed to come out of the closet, so to speak. And they needed to tell Willow first. The redhead deserved that much. And while it had been more than two and a half months since they Wiccan duo had originally split, it had been only six weeks since the official loss of all hope.

Buffy looked at Tara, the two of them communicating the need to be honest with Willow. Tara nodded, smiling sadly. She had no desire to hurt her former lover. She hadn't planned on falling in love with Buffy, and she hoped that Willow and the other Scoobies would realise that the affection between the two blondes was real and true.

Buffy carefully hoisted herself onto the stool next to Willow. This was not going to be a fun conversation.

"Will…"

Willow looked up, swallowing nervously. She supposed that it was probably a good thing that she'd walked in on Buffy and Tara earlier. While it ached to have to acknowledge that she'd lost Tara for good, she was far better prepared. She wouldn't break down in front of the two people who meant the world to her.

She couldn't blame Buffy for falling for Tara, or vice versa. She could see the appeal, from both sides. And if she were honest with herself, they were a good match for each other.

"Will, you know that I love you…and I'd never do anything to purposefully hurt you," Buffy began.

Willow smiled gently. She saw the worry and love coming from both Buffy and Tara. It would take time before she could look at the two women together and not feel the ache of 'what if', but she'd had her chances. She'd blown them, and she had to live with the consequences.

Taking pity on her best friend, Willow slid off her seat, and gently kissed Buffy's cheek.

"Take good care of her heart, Buffy," Willow said sadly. "And if you hurt her…"

"I won't," Buffy said quickly, astonished that Willow knew what had happened, and what she'd been trying to say.

Willow looked at Tara, a cheeky smile creasing her lips. "Y'know, I'm kinda jealous Tara. Your girlfriend's _hot_," Willow said.

Buffy's jaw dropped and Tara pulled Willow into a fierce hug. Willow returned the embrace just as tightly, feeling the relief and thankfulness coming from her former girlfriend.

"Thank you," Tara whispered. She knew that Willow could have made things incredibly difficult for Buffy and Tara. Tara hadn't really know what to expect from Willow, but she was more than pleased with how it was turning out. Perhaps Willow had truly come to terms with the things she'd done, and was finally taking responsibility for her actions.

"And y'know, as Buffy's best friend, I feel honour-bound to give you the shovel speech," Willow said, pulling back.

"I won't hurt her," Tara assured Willow. "We won't hurt each other."

Of that, Willow was sure. With a final reassuring smile at both women, Willow gracefully walked out of the kitchen and into the backyard. She sighed softly, thanking the goddess that she'd made it through. Surely it could only get easier from here. Tara was no longer hers, and Willow had to let herself and Tara move on.

Maybe she should ask the cute brunette from her Psych class for her number…


	19. Blessed

CHAPTER NINETEEN: BLESSED

"That was less painful than I thought it would be," Buffy admitted as Tara gently rubbed muscle-relaxing cream onto Buffy's lower back.

"She took it really well," Tara agreed. "I honestly didn't expect it."

"Well, that's Willow that knows. Now for the rest of the Scoobies I suppose," Buffy said. She groaned at the thought of the many and varied reactions they would get. "Couldn't we just let them walk in on us kissing or something?"

Tara smiled and pressed a kiss to the back of Buffy's neck, enjoying the shiver than ran down Buffy's spine. Tara made a mental note of the reaction, wondering where else she could kiss and get that sort of response. It would be all sorts of fun learning the different places that made her girlfriend shiver.

"Sounds fun," Tara said, letting her breath play across Buffy's neck. "Can you imagine Giles' reaction?"

Buffy snickered, tilting her neck back, trying to encourage Tara to bring her lips around to the front of Buffy's neck and upwards. Tara took the hint and slowly nipped her way around the base of Buffy's neck.

"Holy crap!"

Tara and Buffy pulled apart, the Slayer wincing in pain as she moved too fast.

Dawn stood in the doorway, a look of utter shock on her face as she took in the scene before her.

"You were saying something about letting people walk in on us," Tara said weakly.

"Rethinking that plan," Buffy replied. She stood slowly, her hand finding Tara's, wanting to reassure her girlfriend without words.

"Okay, first of all…whoa!" Dawn said, staring wide-eyed at the two blondes. "Second of all, when did this happen? And third of all…well, I don't really have a third of all, but three always works much better."

Tara and Buffy both bit back smiles. Dawn had taken on so many different things from each of the people who had been involved in her life. The rambling was all from Willow, the defensive ending had been Buffy, the 'whoa' had been all Xander, and the middle question to better understand had been from Tara.

"Officially, last night," Buffy replied. "But…it's been building for a while."

"How long is a while?" Dawn asked, trying to wrap her mind around it all.

Tara smiled a little, remembering their first tentative kiss when their memories had been altered by Willow's spell.

"Dawn, your sister and I…we became really good friends six months ago," Tara began explaining. "And then when Willow's magic was getting out of control, Buffy helped me through it. We got to know each other a lot better over the last few months, and…well, ever since I knew that Willow and I were officially 'off', we've been working towards a stable relationship. A partnership."

Buffy squeezed Tara's hand, completely agreeing with Tara's assessment.

"And you guys are…you two are in love?" Dawn asked.

"We're definitely getting there," Buffy replied. "Love yes, in love…well, soon-to-be."

"Definitely soon-to-be," Tara said.

Dawn nodded, her eyes still huge with shock. She shook herself out of her stupor and finally just grinned. "That's kinda cool."

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief, and hoped that the other Scoobies would be half as understanding.

------------------------

"I knew it!"

The Scoobies all looked at Anya with varying expressions ranging from bemusement to disbelief.

"What, I did! C'mon, that kiss at my hen's night was totally hot," Anya said. "I mean, Buffy put way more feeling into kissing Tara than she did into kissing me."

"What!" Xander yelped. He swung his gaze frantically between Buffy and his wife, his eyes bugging out. "Buffy…Anya…oh god."

Tara laughed quietly at the deep blush that covered Buffy's face and ran down her neck. She made a mental note to find out how far down the blush extended.

"It was one kiss!" Buffy said. "And there was tequila involved."

"Oh god…body shots," Xander muttered.

"No! No body shots," Buffy said quickly.

"Doesn't matter," Xander replied absently. "In my mind, there were."

Buffy rolled her eyes, and glanced at Tara, loving the grin that was spread across Tara's face. She hoped that she could keep that smile there for a good portion of the rest of their lives.

The Slayer snuck a look across at her unusually silent Watcher. Giles met her gaze, nodding his approval, a soft and affectionate smile on his face at the thought of his Slayer finally finding happiness. He'd watched their friendship blossom over the last few months, and he was glad that something had sprung from it. Tara would be good for his headstrong Slayer, as Buffy would be good for Tara.

Giles watched happily as his Slayer laughed and joked with the Scoobies, her eyes lighting up with joy as they teased each other affectionately. Buffy and Tara sat together, hands entwined, thighs touching, as though they were trying to meld together into one person.

Watching his Slayer, Giles knew that while the daughter of his heart would never regain a paradise lost, perhaps she could be at peace with a piece of heaven on earth.

END

Yikes. Yeah, cheesy ending, I just wanted this sucker DONE! Oh, and go read Beyond Expectation by Talula, cos it was reading her incredible B/T fic that inspired me to actually finish this little puppy. So mega thanks for the inspiration, and those who haven't read it, go do it!

Many thanks to those who sent me email after email enquiring about this fic. It's been a looong time since it was updated, but I never really gave it up. Thank you for your patience, for your feedback, and for the inspiration to continue this thing.

Toodles.

Kattie.


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